“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and ultimately reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle” Eric Zorn
The alarm, your children or maybe your back pain woke you out of your sleep. Yet another day when you wish you could just close your eyes and sink back into those precious hours of complete stillness. That sweet unconscious state where you are not responsible for anyone or anything. Where the burdens, fears and worries of yesterday do not flood your thoughts and emotions or once again take refuge in your body.
You drag your feet to the bathroom in attempt to overcome the self-pity of responsibility that awaits you for what seems to be the preparation wind-up of yet another day. And so, it begins in the systematic, methodical routine you have practiced into perfection.
You hope for a better day. But just the same, the all too familiar and rehearsed thoughts begin their chatter and just like that, it’s groundhog-day again. Same people, same faces, same places and same stories you lived and told yesterday.
Same challenges, same burdens, same worries, same anxieties. Some stories are even the same ones you lived and told last year.
Most days you merely get through the day accepting that your life is what it is. Some days feel a little better, a little easier, a little lighter and more manageable.
But there are those days that feel like someone lit a fire in your chest. When your desire for something more could almost burn a hole through it. When your yearning for joy, love, freedom, eagerness and excitement for life becomes a painful desperate longing to feed what feels like a malnourished soul.
On these days when your inner flame burns intensely and fiercely you come to realize this constant, familiar almost stagnant life is one you are no longer willing to accept. You do not want to settle. You do not want to just be okay.
You yearn to live abundantly, joyfully, and freely.
You stop feeling sorry for yourself for a moment and resolute to fulfill the changes you seek. It is time for a restart. Today is the day you swear, promise and even announce to others you are going to make changes.
We often get fooled into thinking that the New Year will somehow magically provide this empowered motivation we seek to reinvent ourselves. However, other than partaking in the New Year festivities with drinks, sparklers, confetti and fireworks, it does not feel any different or anymore ‘New Year-ish’ than any other day. And when the hangover has passed, our vacation is over and all the evidence of New Year beginnings have been cleaned up, our minds will likely dangle all our well-rehearsed beliefs, thoughts and actions of yesterday to slip us back into the autopilot comforts we are accustomed to and most familiar with.
Nevertheless, we feel a sense of obligation to fix anything we screwed up throughout the year and want to improve our personal or professional life and health. But some of our goals aren’t always easily achievable.
Our resolutions usually emerge out of the woodwork right around December during a drunken state at a work Christmas party, a family gathering with some of those we loathe, envy or are annoyed by, a binge eating session, another argument with a loved one or simply missing someone we no longer have in our lives. It is when we most heavily reflect on our troubles, struggles, failures, disappointments and all the things we didn’t do, succeed in or become.
Of course, it isn’t always a somber reflection. There are many blessings we feel deeply grateful for, but let’s admit; goals are not set because we are satisfied with where we are, who we are or what we have. They are created through that which we feel dissatisfied with or desire to expand on and improve.
Most of us would agree we have a love/hate relationship with New Year resolutions.
We want the better life, healthier weight, greater success and vow to make better choices overall. But it takes great commitment and practice to create new thoughts, habits and lifestyle.
So, we resolute to make the New Year a grander year! And we begin this by announcing our personal goals and promises to family, friends and anyone who will listen. We share our New Year resolutions on social media, write them down or attach them to our refrigerator to serve as frequent reminders of our sworn agreements.
Ultimately, no-one really cares about our personal resolutions. We are the only people responsible for creating and fulfilling then but we deliberately create a higher expectation the more people know about them. When we make our resolutions public, we become accountable for our goals; consequently, making them more difficult for us to give up on. Avoiding the shame of being a quitter, witnessing disappointment in people’s eyes or being labeled as weak could be the motivation we need. It is also a reflection of our determination and conclusiveness otherwise we would keep quiet and be secretive about them.
There is something about New Year resolutions that makes us puff out our chests with perseverance. At least to begin with until we fall back on our most practiced and familiar behaviors or the novelty wears off. But for a moment, we are swept with eagerness and purpose. We feel empowered to take charge of our desires, goals and dreams. We genuinely mean it because we deeply desire better for ourselves.
Having others believe in what we believe we want to achieve for ourselves is important, but we must hold our end of the bargain.
People remember when we promised we would quit smoking, lose weight, start our business, travel or whatever we declared with absolute conviction. They hold us to our own word. In fact, they want us to succeed because we all live through each other’s confidence, successes, and strengths. We are inspired by each other’s achievements, improvements, and triumphs as it assists us in achieving our own personal goals.
So, on January 1st we announce the year out loud as if expecting to convince ourselves or hoping the Universe will hear us declare, ‘2021 is going to be our year!”
Creating resolutions is easy. The challenge is achieving them. Our ‘start’ date is more than just a number or a specific day of the month or year, rather a social appointment we willingly and committedly expect to engage with. It is a relationship between us and that which we hope to achieve. However, if we are not dedicated or find it too challenging, this ‘date’ with our resolution will quickly fizzle out. It must be important to us otherwise it will not be worth our time and effort to continue pursuing it when or if things become a little difficult.
Unfortunately, it is not only practiced beliefs that divert our attention back to existing patterns; it is this current ‘reality’ that keeps us focused on what is rather than where we want to be.
Such habits of thought and behavior can make us retreat into the familiar and for a moment we can forget why we chose to change or do something in the first place. Old habits can die hard because we have nurtured and made them part of our lives for such a long period of time.
Understanding that we perfect what we practice is empowering. Achieving our resolutions or creating change is not as difficult as it may seem, however, it requires more than action. If we care enough about the changes we seek to achieve, we need to practice our way into new thoughts and beliefs in order to develop a new reality.
Essentially, resolutions are goals and we set goals for ourselves all the time. But the great thing about New Year resolutions is they conjure positive images and attract powerful positive desires and intentions.
Any goal is achievable given we maintain our focus on them but, it is important to understand why we are setting the goal.
Is our goal set up to please others or ourselves?
Our motivator needs to be something positively encouraging. For example, if we choose to lose weight because we want to be accepted by society, be more attractive for our partner so that we feel more loved and appreciated or just to shut up our loving, yet relentless mother who won’t quit reminding us of our weight; then we are setting ourselves up for failure.
If on the other hand we want to be and feel healthier, play more with our children without feeling tired, take part in activities that will bring more enjoyment and fulfillment; then we are on our way to a beautiful journey.
When we are doing it for ourselves, we are saying ‘yes’ to us, our well-being and to life!
Doing it for others, however, makes us heavily rely on others’ approval which is an inevitable set-up for disappointment.
It is important to note we must be our own best cheerleader. We all enjoy and appreciate encouragement and compliments, but these will need to come from ourselves first. Changing our typical ‘not good enough’ attitude is often the largest hurdle most of us have to continuously overcome. In order to do this, it is important we quit comparing ourselves to others and expecting validation.
Breaking large dreams or goals into smaller steps will continue to give us the reward factor and be the cultivator for moving forward. The smaller the goal, the quicker and more easily achievable it will be otherwise we are more likely to give up on something that seems far-fetched.
The primary point about new goals is not the action taken or how many times we pat ourselves on the back along the way, rather the new attitudes and beliefs required to supplement and sustain this new vision.
Henry Ford’s quote, ‘when you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right’ is a perfect illustration of our journey in life no matter what we desire for ourselves.
When we think we can’t; we stop trying. When we believe it can’t happen; we stop trying. And we don’t want to stop trying because if a single thought has travelled through our imagination building momentum, expanding, becoming more detailed, powerful and part of our goal; then it is ripe and ready to be realized and experienced by us.
Be grateful for every challenge, struggle, obstacle and every experience that made us think, ‘hell no’ for they are the contrasts and blessings that pointed us in the direction of our dreams. They are the reason for greater solutions, wisdom, clarity and strength. It is where our power surfaces, where love is magnified and our lust for life is energized.
You always know there is something better for you because you feel the urge and hear the calling toward it every day. It is the very reason a desire emerged. If you imagined it, it is there; waiting to be experienced by you. But this will need to be realized by you also and that means all focus and attention must go toward this vision rather than your current reality.
What currently exists came to be because of your attention to it and your belief in it. Everything works this way. If what you desire is not part of your ‘reality’ then one of these things are off. You are either not focusing enough on that which you want or do not believe in it.
Maybe you are more convinced and focused of its absence in your life than you are about its presence.
Though it is hard to see the clearing through the thick fog, if you would just make up your mind that you want it and refrain from adding reasons why it cannot be; the clarity, the fulfilling and vibrant reality is yours.
You need only to continue dreaming and imagining it. Talk about it often until you know it so well you could almost see, hear, taste, touch and smell it. Make your entire physical presence familiar with it. Introduce it into your social circle, family and even nature’s critters through your thoughts, discussions and behavior.
Let everyone know about your desire. Consume yourself with it until you do not recognize your life without it. Act as if it already is. Acknowledge its existence and nurture it with your undivided attention.
Make this a year of yes!
Yes, your goals are attainable.
Yes, you can achieve them.
Yes, they will be realized and experienced by you.
Yes, you are worth it.
Yes, your happiness is priority.
For everything else, there is a restart button.
“The limit is not in the sky, the limit is in your mind” Marilyn Monroe