Evy: female, tall, born Australian with European heritage, sister, wife, daughter, aunty, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, doggy mom, vegetarian, outdoor junkie, animal lover, former elementary teacher, entrepreneurial photographer and writer, blogger, occasional generalized anxiety….This will get boring if I keep going but it is merely to show how many labels we carry.
Labels are part of language like identifying a type of bird, specific mountain or clothes we wear. They either provide information about an object or it is a name applied to a person or thing.
Labels are titles that give us a sneak peek or preview about who we are.
Though we adore some of our labels such as mom, dad or grandparent; they also come with an entourage of stereotypes and expectations. For this reason, some labels we’ll flaunt while others will never or rarely be spoken of.
We wear our labels like we do our choice of clothing. They tell stories about us or at the very least provide generalized summaries. Thus, our quickest and most common mode of learning about each other is to find out where we are from and what we do for a living.
Learning about someone’s origin gives us plethora of stereotypical information and exploring occupational interests or expertise will tell us a little about their intelligence, success and wealth. Based on this information alone, we generally conclude whether someone is worthy of our time.
Unfortunately, labeling is like a scaling system. Dependent upon one’s labels and another’s individual opinion around those labels, it could credit or discredit our value and worth.
There have been many instances when I had felt reluctant and even ashamed to share information about being of European decent. It wasn’t always received or embraced as politely as I would have hoped.
On the flip side – since residing in the US – telling people that I am Australian when questioned on my accent has been enjoyable. People’s eyes light up, they want to engage in conversation, and I sense an instant likability – simply because I am Australian.
And just like that, I get bumped up the acceptance scale. Of course, I have more to offer than my place of birth or speech, however, when there are obvious differences among a group or society, there is a fine line between being accepted or rejected. What tips the scale is dependent on the general perspective and opinion around a label. Since Australians overall are largely favored, the label thus far has proven beneficial for me.
Though there is a generalized opinion about Australians, it says nothing about who I am, nor does my profession.
Working retail has lost its credibility over the last couple decades and unless you are the owner or CEO of a company, working retail is looked down upon. It also wasn’t something I wanted to flaunt particularly among those with valued professions.
However, having a teaching degree up my belt somehow increased my worth. It is obvious through people’s reactions how quickly we are to judge and how quickly we can sway between worthy and unworthy. But it still has nothing to do with who I am.
There are unspoken broad assumptions we make about someone based on a single isolated label and we believe we know someone simply because we believe we know the label.
Labels are subjectively opinion packed. We decide what labels are accepted or rejected therefore, anyone attached to those labels will either be embraced or outcasted.
They are merely distinguishers where on the hierarchy scale we rank according to race, gender, nationality, religion, success, fame, fortune, degree, occupational position, appearance and intelligence.
When these are established, we treat each other according to our collective label status and where on the worthy scale we belong.
So, what is the primary purpose of labels?
There are two: identification and belonging – which go hand in hand.
We want unity and in a physical world, labels connect us. They connect us racially, culturally, religiously, economically and spiritually. This connection gives us a sense of belonging.
Basically, labels point out our diversities and we like some of our labels because without them we feel misplaced. Even if the one we carry is not largely accepted, there is still a place we can find solace. They also allow us to stop worrying if something is a threat or just different. Unfortunately, we aren’t always so kind to difference and we are not always equally as respectful. We simply decide whether someone is above or beneath us.
But not all labels are as black and white as we have been accustomed to. There are ‘grey’ areas arising that many are not quite sure what to do with.
When ‘difference’ is rejected, we attempt to join those we have something in common with for comfort. Those who cannot find their ‘group’ or label will wander solo harboring heavy feelings of insecurity, hatred, depression and suicide.
There have been specific labels many groups have spent years fighting for recognition. They have rallied and protested for the right to be different, the right to be accepted and the right to simply be without feeling threatened. They have hoped that labeling will provide information and educate society on these diversities. However, education around a label only acknowledges the label.
Not so long ago, some labels were deliberately offensive, cruel and rejecting. Nowadays, those labels have been softened to reduce the cruelty and negative impression behind them. But does replacing a tainted label for a politer one reduce the stigma or stereotype? Do euphemisms change our perception and approval?
Though we may extend compassion and even be more inclusive of difference, for many, the residual feeling of something being defective remains. We still fear our children will be born different or make different choices in life that go against our beliefs. We continue to fear for their safety or quality of life in a world perceived cruel and critical. Ironically, we are part of that world and part of that society we fear.
But, at what point do labels become our ball and chain? At what point does clutching tightly onto our labels not only define us but become us?
Labels that are gained not by choice but through other physical causes that separate us from the majority are ones we clutch to for societal sympathy and understanding. We want something to point the finger at for our physical or behavioral differences.
Often when something is not quite physically ‘right’ or ‘normal’ and we cannot make sense of what is happening, we search for answers. Experiencing something outside the ‘norm’ can be scary particularly when we are not certain if it is a threat. Additionally, anything unknown or unfamiliar is strange and anything strange is often feared.
People do not know how to respond to ‘different’ which often leads us to feeling like emotional refugees hoping for acceptance. To avoid being completely outcasted, we anticipate explanations and solutions that fit under one label.
Once again, being provided with a medical title gives us a sense of relief. Understanding what alters our physical, behavioral and emotional attributes can offer solutions and increase our chance for ‘normalcy’. For this reason, labels educate and provide tools in understanding best practices.
When we realize we have difficulty reading and trouble in processing words that sets us apart from other readers; the ‘dyslexia’ title can be somewhat comforting.
When we feel overwhelmed with what if’s, perfectionism and our heart is racing with fear; the ‘anxiety’ title is somewhat soothing.
When our children have impaired communication and social interaction; the ‘autism’ title can be somewhat reassuring.
Labels makes us feel we are not alone.
However, the problem with labeling is pigeon-holing and we often find ourselves living only within the confinements of our labels. We recognize our diversities and then adopt them as the image of all that we are. Often, we spend so much focus on our labels, we forget who we are outside of them.
We fail to recognize our labels are merely part of the physical world we have created and have nothing to do with our inner brilliance.
When we walk through nature, we are surrounded by variety. In a short walk, we could pass an assortment of trees: pine, birch, shrubs, cherry, aspen – to name a few. We would also encounter various colored and sounding birds; none of which we would know the names of. They would all fall under the umbrella – trees or birds. But does not knowing their specific type, category or name affect our walk? Does knowing their labels, understanding their behavior, habitat or ecosystem change any part of our life experience? When we walk through nature, we simply embrace and appreciate our surroundings. There isn’t anything fighting for our attention nor are we interested in picking apart and analyzing the details of every bird or tree we pass. We absorb our surroundings whole and we appreciate the beauty they offer collectively.
“Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.” Anonymous
Though labels could assist to educate society and at times save lives by providing belonging to those who have felt alone; bringing awareness toward labels only serves to highlight the label. What we hope for is minimizing society’s negative reactions and prejudice attitudes, however, we wind up boxing ourselves within the boundaries of the labels.
Furthermore, the toughest labels to conquer are the personal negative ones we create along the way. Whether it is through our negative self-criticism we train others to acknowledge and believe or it is a label we picked up due to some of our actions or ‘errors’; these labels stick like tattoos. They may fade over many years, but they remain permanently engraved as part of our character. Unfortunately, for a liar, cheater, thief, abuser, alcoholic or drug addict it can be taxing trying to overcome or rise above such titles. No matter how much time passes or how hard one attempts to change their behavior, society will never let you forget it.
We can be quite brutal and unforgiving with certain labels and oblivious that not only is it utterly unfair but negative tags only serve to foster undesired behavior.
Labels are limitations and major misinterpretations of the greater expressions of who we are in this physical world. In fact, they are deterrents from the depth, grandeur and sublimity of all that we are.
To know something expansively, it must not be defined, labeled or named.
Labels acknowledge labels, not the whole of that which it is.
The most wonderful thing about life is that abundantly more beautiful souls are emerging into this physical world hauling a sack of diversities.
For every ‘special’ child born in a household, behold the extraordinary they have come to teach and the expansion they have come to provide. More particularly, expansion of the heart.
They are coming to free our minds and break through the barriers of conditional love. To teach that love is not choosy, nor does it require labels to understand how to love. Their purposeful uniqueness, originality and novelty brings renewal, freshness and advancement.
They are here to be a triangle in a world full of squares and reject being shoved into a box to accommodate others’ preferences, opinions and ideals. Instead, their ‘difference’ forces to awaken us from our fierce focus and hold onto societal ideologies. They are here to free us from the bondage of practiced thoughts and habits.
Boundaries are being pushed, our realities are being shaken and diversities are popping up against all we have been programmed to believe. There are diversities that go against our personal, religious, cultural and societal beliefs and expectations.
And every bit of it is wonderful!
New generations are combating every deeply rooted belief about ‘normal’. They are loosening our grip on conditional love. Due to their courage to be different by choice or birth, love has expanded more than ever before.
When the rules of ‘normal’ are deliberately broken, it fractures our attachments to labels and perceived, programmed normalcies. When those closest to our hearts such as our children pull the plug on a label or replace it with a new one, it forces intense self-evaluation.
This can be uncomfortable and for many, a large burden and struggle. When our children go against that which we are accustomed to, we learn to love like we have never loved before. We also begin to see and feel our prejudices for the first time. We realize how harmful such judgments can be on labels when they boomerang back home. So when our child says they are ‘gay’, our ‘Muslim’ son says he is converting to ‘Buddhism’, our ‘Asian’ daughter says she is in love with an ‘African’ man, our doctor claims our boy is ‘autistic’, we learn our son has a drug addiction or our teenage daughter is pregnant; it forces us to step outside of our pre-conditioned minds.
Since we are energy beings, love always knows what to do and how to respond in any situation without the support of scientific, medical or religious research. Facts, figures, formulas and theories cannot journey where love does nor can they heal, soothe, embrace and elevate the way love does. Love truly is blind – blind to the conditions, fears, criteria’s, specifics, requirements, judgements, criticisms, demands and perimeters. Love is a powerful, euphoric force that does not meddle in physical barbarian nonsense. It embraces, accepts and unites.
Where labels are absent, there is freedom of movement, of transformation, of change and reinvention.
For every unique, ‘different’ person that exists in your family; hug them tighter. Thank them for their courage, bravery, lessons and blessings. Thank them for freeing your mind bound in judgment and fear. Thank them for elevating your bravery through your love for them.
Thank them for showing you that love does not care for ‘normal’ or safe. It does not care what it looks, feels, smells, tastes or sounds like. It does not care for familiar or similar. It does not care for what is right or wrong, for perspectives, opinions or fear-based thoughts. It does not care for scientific explanations, religious teachings, cultural expectations, racial biases, gender antics or societal facts, figures and statistics.
It cares only to love. Love beyond boundaries! Love beyond the mind! Love beyond our fears and labels!
Then embrace them for all that they are and all that you have become because of them.