While we may be physically detached at birth, and no matter who we refer to as mom, there is an undeniable connection we have with our mothers that keeps us eternally bound to her love. Even when we butt heads like rams and are annoyed with her constant demands.
She is that gentle life force that consistently fuels our every need. She is the light we naturally gravitate toward. And it is through this love that we are indubitably Mom-bilically connected.
When a woman becomes a mother, something shifts. Her entire mind, body and spirit begin to morph into ‘superhuman’. Her senses become acute and magnified. Her strength and courage are broadened. And with her chest puffed out, she stakes her claim as woman warrior.
She undergoes internal shapeshifting granting her an immeasurable intuitive sense that not even her partner can mask hidden truths. Somehow, she is aware of everything.
Realizing she is responsible for managing fragile little minds and bodies, she steps into the obligatory authoritarian role. Sampling this ‘power’ expands her ego into the self-righteous, controlling, and superior self. One that towers over you with hands on hips and raised brow stance.
However, underneath it all, mothers are not only trying to figure out motherhood they are also still trying to figure out life and are often driven by fear and uncertainty. Her fear for her children’s well-being and consistent qualm over her decisions and actions keeps her in constant protective or defensive mode. This is also partially the reason to much of her erratic, ‘moody’ behavior.
And as she struggles to find her balance in this thing called motherhood, the rest of us learn an important lesson. The art of avoidance and timing. Which basically means, staying out of her way and out of sight during high stress times if possible. And never losing sight or taking advantage of her ‘good mood’ for, once that ship has sailed, you never know when it will come back and leave you hanging at the dock with a suitcase full of ungranted wants and needs.
It is not hard to tell when she is tense. Random objects around the house sound significantly louder when handled. That is generally the cue to move out of sight or risk becoming the next victim to face the consequences for everyone else’s ‘incompetency’ in the family.
Regardless, she does not take her title or responsibility lightly.
In fact, no other title can bring her to her knees in utter hopelessness or raise her to heights of absolute ecstasy. No other title will test her patience, will and even sanity; make her feel as proud or deeply ashamed.
No other title can make her question her behavior, actions, thoughts, beliefs, and teachings. And no other title can extract her greatest strengths and weakness like ‘mother.’
There will never be a moment when she does not question whether she made the right decision, spoke the right words, or pushed her children in the right direction. She will be torn between allowing them to figure it out on their own or controlling their every move to protect them from harm.
Overwhelmed with responsibility, her introduction into motherhood is often filled with anxiety. Being in the presence of a child’s transcendent, raw love becomes powerfully altering. A flood of deep emotions beyond what she has known to be possible, makes her feel things differently. A sort of divine presence where every cell in her body comes to life creating a surge of dynamic energy.
Once she maneuvers past the hormones and sensitivities, she learns to channel and manipulate this inner dynamo. As this force within her grows quickly and intensely, her protective instincts sharpen her sensors and awareness; ready to abolish anything or anyone that poses a threat.
And one does not need to be an outsider to cross the line and feel her wrath. She works hard at being a mom and refuses to have her reputation smeared even by her own children. She will do what it takes to maintain her honor. So, you best adhere to her demands, be on your best behavior or suffer the repercussions of a disgruntled mother.
Her ability to overcome, find strength, power and poise in any situation is remarkable. She may not always do it so gracefully, but she finds a way.
She knows her mind, body and soul will never see or experience the world the same again.
And unfortunately, we will never quite know the woman before the high estrogen levels seized her forever. Before the duties of motherhood took precedent. Before her obsession over us became her lifelong purpose and erratic mood swings, demands and authority became her new norm.
We will only ever know her as mom.
And what a privilege it is.
Not all mamas are the same, but they all do the best they can.
We tend to hold them to incredibly high standards. Moms know this because there is no mother that does not already hold herself to these standards also. She would do anything to keep her babies safe and give them the best quality of life, even if it means giving them up.
However, while her behavior may not always look or sound pleasant and her actions may not always seem fair or logical, everything she does emanates from a deep love.
Mothers are most heavily judged on their disciplinary actions and sacrifices. Unfortunately, many of us do not shy away from broadcasting what we consider are other mothers’ disgraces and shortcomings to the world.
Occasionally losing her ‘shit’ is acceptable. It shows authenticity, transparency and more importantly courage to exhibit moments of weakness. But she must not unleash too much so not to appear out of control or out of her mind. While most people identify with ‘bad’ days, it is important not to wear out her sympathy card and become the target of gossip.
As far as appearance, it is important to look presentable. This means having hair brushed and dressed in something other than lounge pants and stained t-shirt. She would not want to appear as if she was struggling or falling apart.
More importantly, she most certainly does not want to look like she came out of a beauty salon either. Perfect hair, nails and heels will earn her the reputation of a neglectful, selfish mom.
‘Selfish’ is the most wounding and ignominious label for a mother. Because if she still has time and money left over for any of that personal perfecting and pampering then she does not warrant her title. And if she can afford a nanny to take care of her children so that she can take routine naps, morning jogs, sip her finely ground Nespresso and easily squeeze her toned ass into those skinny jeans; she certainly does not take her title seriously.
Likewise, a mother’s greatest foe and impediment is guilt. Her guilt surfaces when personal desires rise. When her inner girl’s craving for personal time, fun, freedom, and friskiness surge intensely.
Whether it is a personal indulgence or a social outing, guilt lurks around every corner. In fact, guilt hovers around spewing its judgment so much she will often return the dress and cancel the pedicure. To dilute some of her guilt for choosing social excursions, her dates are typically filled with stories of her little humans in between frequent text and phone call interruptions to either check on them or reassure them she will be home soon.
Therefore, a mother knows and prides herself on being the embodiment of sacrifice. In fact, the moment she sets eyes on her little angel, the world as she knows it and everything she is or had ever dreamed of becoming or doing dissipates. In an instant, as if witnessing and experiencing the divine, she is penetrated with the deepest euphoric love that binds her to her child forever more.
She will give up her personal time. Even if involuntarily, her bathroom visits will be that constant reminder that ‘me’ will forevermore be ‘we’. She will give up her dreams to see them live out theirs. She will give up her meals or favorite dessert so that their appetites are satisfied. She will give up her sleep to make sure her children have a peaceful one.
She will give up her sanity to cater to their every mood, beck and call. She will give up her appearance so that their hair is perfectly parted in the middle and their clothes are crispy clean. She will sacrifice her social life so that her child can have one that is crammed with sports, activities, and fun to the very last minute of the day. Sometimes her humor becomes sacrificed when exhaustion dissolves it like an anti-reflux tablet.
She will sacrifice every ounce of energy to entertain and care for her offspring.
There is nothing she would not do for her little beings. Giving up her belly’s elasticity or inner bladder muscle strength is the least of her offering for being granted the ability to create life.
In fact, she would give up her title, organs, limbs, last breath, and her physical life before we could even utter the word, ‘mom’. Her emotional, physical, and spiritual nurturing is eternal. She is our lifeline to any or all our needs.
Losing her is detachment from the greatest love we will ever have known. There is a loss of self. Without her, we feel the weight of life. It is like learning to stand on our own. She has been our support and crutch our entire lives, it almost catches us by surprise when she is gone.
She carries so much of our burdens, fears, and worries. She is endlessly mending or fixing our troubles and supporting our wishes with such ease and certainty that we do not recognize life and ourselves without her. It also seems quieter when she is no longer there cheering us on, uplifting, praising, and encouraging us along our journey. But the echo of her voice and power of her love lingers in our minds and hearts with such vigor to glide and guide us through life eternally. And when we look in the mirror and notice her features encrypted on our face, we can say, there you are.
On the other hand, losing a child would be like unplugging her from her source of life, love, and energy. An instant loss of all power. Her superhuman is reduced to barely human; merely a physical shell that operates on the general physical functions of life. However, the greatest gift she will ever endure from being a mother is resiliency. And with deep wounds and scars, she will rise again carrying a little less strength but an even greater unfathomable courage and an even greater yearning to love beyond her mind and body’s comprehension.
Our mamas are the only beings in the world we can implicitly trust and rely on. And so, no matter what age, we always need our mom. And no matter who, why, where, when or how, she will always be there even as an everlasting vibration of her words and love.
You see, we acquire so much from the extraordinary superhumans we call mom. And it far surpasses what we may inherit genetically or characteristically. The lessons, observations, advice, and experiences about life, ourselves and the world through her words and influence are the general makeup of who we are.
However, though we may have her nose or develop her early grey hair. Or we may mimic her attitude and sense of style. How we view ourselves is heavily shaped by her love that beams through her eyes, smile, words, actions, and affection. She is the source that connects us to our own power and mastery.
Of course, it is not all pancakes and maple syrup. She is not afraid to throw a little grime our way to snap us out of our ‘entitled’ coma. She will not hesitate to give us a hefty nudge in the ‘right’ direction or any direction when we become stagnant or lazy. And she certainly does not shy away from harsh criticism. Sometimes her words and actions may seem downright unfair and mean.
Do not be quick to wallow in self-pity because no matter how much our mamas may criticize or point out our faults, she will never judge us. No matter how much she pushes us to do something, she will never let us fall. And no matter how much she may scold us or hurt our feelings, she will never break our heart. Because her only objective is to set us up in a world where we are happy and healthy. A world where we can achieve all we desire and whose challenges we can overcome with confidence. And she will always do the best she can or knows how, to assure we are strong and steady on our feet.
When a mamma looks at herself in the mirror, exhaustion and stress are encrypted all over her face. Even so, the paler skin, brittle hair and bags under her eyes are overshadowed by her heart’s mammoth smile. Like a wounded warrior whose scarred body is covered in stories, she prides herself on overcoming the obstacles of motherhood. She prides herself on having the strength to carry her entire family on her shoulders.
She understands navigating through motherhood often demands change and modifications.
And she is okay with lathering Nivea body cream over the creases of her face than the prestige brands she was once accustomed to. She is okay with concealing her grey hair over the sink with a boxed hair dye than the fancy salons she was once pampered at. And she is okay with eating left over sandwich crusts over her smoothies and protein shakes. In fact, she is more than okay. Because when she looks in the mirror, she realizes the greatest blessings do not look perfect or hold monetary value.
Like little handprints left along the walls, mirrors, and glass tops, so too is her heart filled with an abundance of imprints; all of which are messy, challenging and often exhausting but always the most joyous and fulfilling.
And right when we think our mamas could not be any almightier, we gift her grandchildren.
And just like that she is calm, balance, and patience personified. With deeper love and understanding, she leads with unparalleled love, appreciation, and clarity.
And so, the cycle continues with every new birth, a world Mom-bilically connected.