Tag: expectations

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Whose life are you living?

Whose life are you living? Well, you could not be living anyone else’s life but your own right? No-one can get inside your body, think your thoughts, and live your experiences. But how much of the life you are living is authentic and how much of it is influenced by others?

If we study the definition of ‘life’, it is fundamentally the capacity for growth. Part of ‘living’ is our individual physical experience while the other more significant part lies in the power, focus and creation of it.  

But how much of the way we live our lives within our groups and sub-groups is the all too predictable textbook-type life?

If you were told you could choose to live your wildest fantasies and be or do whatever your heart desired without judgment or prohibition, what would that look like? Would you still have married the same person or married at all? Would you still have chosen to live in the same suburb or even country? Would you still have selected the same career or religion?

Would you have chosen to do things a little (or a lot) differently had someone not intervened, pressured, persuaded, or even controlled you otherwise?

Would you have walked the same path?

We often follow the path of least resistance. And this makes sense. If our choices could prevent criticism and rejection and we could avoid having to defend or explain our position, then it would seem reasonable to comply with societal demands.

Except, pleasing others is a mighty price to pay. It does not elevate our joy, expand our growth, broaden our perspective, enhance our quality of life and it certainly does not satisfy, excite, or uplift us. Though maneuvering around other people’s opinions is exhausting, we tend to master contorting ourselves to fit into the illusory world view grafted by societal projections.

However, how does one navigate around inner truth and desire?

Does preferring to keep the peace around us warrant our sacrifice for true happiness?

For some of us the answer is yes because it may seem more problematic and laborious being ourselves and following our bliss than it is to bow our heads and be governed by the masses and our superiors.

Our influencers can be rather forceful as we find ourselves pressured by our peers, parents, partners, culture, religion, society, gender and by so many other sub-groups we may have fallen or been born into.

It may be particularly difficult to say ‘no’ to an arranged marriage because our culture expects it, choosing same-sex partnership because our religion forbids it, opting out of college because our parents insist it, or even saying no to drugs because our peers solicit it.

All these collectively become obnoxious noises that silence our inner compass.

Whether our influencers are well intentioned or not, we have a yearning to please those closest to us. Unfortunately, the pat on the back is temporary before there are new requests and demands.

Some societal expectations are as age old as our cultural ones. We are not only encouraged but there is a quiet expectancy to follow societal programmed normalcies that satisfy trends, hypes, and requirements in order to belong.

Our need to ‘control’ each other is highly due to how other people’s actions and choices will affect us. For there to be harmony, we are not only adapting our own lives to suit others, but we are also to some degree controlling the lives of others to suit our needs and predominantly, soothe our fears.

Ironically, our greatest supporters are also our greatest influencers. Most of the pressure comes from our parents and partners. Though the intentions are always well meaning, the message is that anything less than their demands is not good enough.

The desire to avoid conflict, harsh judgement and rejection often leads to compromising our authenticity, dreams, and aspirations. But it also induces rage, frustration, resentment, and depression. 

When we are changing anything about ourselves no matter how small or large, we are being intentionally dismissive of our own guidance, our own spirit and make up of who we are. Essentially, we remain never feeling completely satisfied. Kind of like eating whatever we can find to substitute the ice-cream craving we have been purposely avoiding. In the end, that old cookie sitting in our drawer, the little container of mints at the bottom of our bag or spoonful of sugar just does not cut it.

Substituting what feels normal or natural for some cheap external counterfeit version of our life is not going to yield a rewarding life experience.

When we deny our authenticity, we deny ourselves the most palatable part of living. That which makes life exciting and satisfying.

My husband grew up with atlas in hand. His curiosity of the world had made him impressively knowledgeable that even annoyed some of his early elementary teachers when he corrected them on their geography.

He prides himself not only of his knowledge of countries, cities, main landmarks, and history but also of terrains, rivers, mountains, and ecosystems. He enjoys when I test him by showing him random images from Instagram – particularly of mountains – that he tries to identify simply by the details of the mountain peaks and surrounding land.

His greatest passion heavily involved altitude climbing. His love of mountains inspired him to move to Seattle where he lived and worked for a short time allowing him the proximity and convenience to climb Mt Rainier and surrounding mountains. But his thoughts, desire, research and eyes were on the queen of all mountain peaks – Mt Everest.

Scarred with many cracks, she proudly claims the title of the tallest mountain in the world, 20,035 feet (8,848 meters) above sea level to be exact. Her towering, majestic beauty has captured the attention of many extremists and climbers alike who are up for the challenge of her unpredictability and rugged landscape.

Whether it is a personal pursuit to push one’s own limits or sought to find a spiritual awakening, Everest offers what no other physical challenge does, a stairway as close to the heavens as one could be. 

Anyone who knows my husband knows of his dream. I too had come to know this when we met. I noticed a large selection of VHS videos (that is how far back his interest went), magazines and books that covered stories, documentaries and facts about this mountain including prior expeditions. Initially, he had expressed interest in honeymooning in the Himalayas by spending a short time at base camp. Maybe he thought it would be a great opportunity to ‘dip his toes’ into this dream while concurrently exposing me to this beloved vision.

Of course, my knowledge was minimal to none, but the Himalayas sounded exotic which made me willing and eager for an adventurous honeymoon. Until I began my research and realized what my husband was proposing. As my interest grew and I absorbed myself in the many stories and facts surrounding Everest including many of the expeditions, deaths and survival narratives told, my fear grew as quickly as my opposition to this idea. Though it was an easier task to change our honeymoon destination, it was not as easy convincing my husband of the danger of this dream overall. Of course, it was the danger that existed only in my mind based on my focus of unsuccessful climbs and gruesome stories.

Though his parents and some extended relatives could not convince him otherwise, I was the reason to his change of mind even if it had never changed his heart. Maybe it was his love for me as I pleaded how the worst scenario would selfishly affect me. Maybe I had captured his attention and offered something a little more than his dream of climbing. Maybe I had even delivered an impressive argument that may not have convinced him of the dangers I desperately attempted to prove, but instead of my absolute fear of them.

I remember the look on his face after his final and desperate attempt to receive my blessing and I had instead pleaded, argued, and insisted he let go of this dream. I could almost see the fire in his eyes dim and feel the thick smog of sheer disappointment and heartbreak in the air.

He had never verbally agreed to give up his passion and I was torn between feeling like his foe and the crippling fear of my worst nightmare becoming reality. I hated being responsible for beating down the love of my life’s spirit but to have approved of his dream meant I would also have to accept the possibility of losing him.

I had made it personal. I expected to be his priority. I expected to be his joy and the apple of his eye. Except, I failed to realize that none of us come into this physical world in promise to make others happy…even our partners. We are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but our own.

In fact, “The greatest gift you could give anyone is your own happiness” is expressed perfectly by Abraham Hicks.

As time went by and it was no longer spoken about, I softened to the idea even though I kept it to myself. I also realized how incredibly expensive it is to do an expedition such as this. Not having that kind of money to splurge may have been the deciding factor at the time. And maybe that was the sole reason that held him back.

Instead, he spent hours meticulously planning and mapping our vacations in a desperate attempt to be among nature and close to the mountains.  

So, I compromised. Since I have always enjoyed the outdoors, it was easy to immerse myself in the outdoors with him. We went on road trips, camped, and hiked till our heart’s content. During one of our trips to Glacier National Park, he had come alive. It was like witnessing someone uniting with their own light. The excitement, exhilaration, joy, and lust for life was back with a vengeance.

You see, our inner yearning never goes away, our deepest desires never disappear and who we are will never settle for anything less. Our energy, our spirit will always be restless when it is detached or disconnected from its divine self.

And after seeing his eyes filled with tears on a stunning bright morning, with coffee in hand sitting on a rock by the turquoise blue St Mary Lake before heading back home to Ohio; I witnessed the effects and impact of spiritual suppression.

There is deep sadness. Sadness for rejecting self. Sadness for neglecting our own inner guidance, desires, dreams and aspirations. Sadness for trading in our authenticity for absurd societal pressures or demands of our loved ones.

So, a couple of years later, we moved. Glacier National Park has become our home and frequent playground. I now accompany him on many hikes. I have attempted and even hiked to the top of many mountain peaks and he continues to tell me some repeat stories of when he lived in Seattle and climbed Mt Rainier. He recounts the sights, the smells, and the sounds of nature with delight that these new surroundings remind him of. He describes his feelings of soloing through new or familiar routes, the people he met along the way and the obstacles he encountered. And of course, his highlight about the marmot that sat on his shoulder and shared a soggy subway sandwich with him at the summit of Rainier as he watched life below.

He continues to hike various trails that each deliver their own unique destination prize. I attempt most with him and other times he goes alone; but EVERY TIME he is ecstatic with appreciation, inspiration, challenge, novelty, nature, and freedom.

‘This is my religion’ he often says as he stops to consume his surroundings. And now I see the flame and twinkle in his eyes and the air has magic and magnetism saturated with gratitude.

Was it right to make him live his life soothing my fears? Was it fair to completely sabotage a dream based on my negative perspective of it? The answer is no.

No-one should live someone else’s life, someone else’s thoughts, fears, expectations, or perspectives. It should never be about what anyone else thinks, even and sometimes especially when it is our parents or partners as they can be our greatest influencers.

We all have our own internal guidance. This guidance is in the form of desire, passion, excitement, clarity, and joy. When we take away someone’s passion, we take away their own journey in life – their yellow brick road. No-one is responsible for living our lives or behaving in a way that makes us feel better and safer. Interestingly we care too much about each other’s approval.

There are some of us brave enough to follow our hearts and when we do, extraordinary things happen. Not only do we have remarkable experiences, but we become this magnificence. We become that someone others want to be, and the inspiration they seek. We unequivocally become the more enhanced, expanded version of ourselves.

Such as…

A young eighteen year old by the name of Maggie Doyne who was four years college bound had woken up one morning with a question. A question that had changed her life and the lives of those around her. What do I want in my life? This question led her to pack up and travel the world. A world that had taught her more than anything she could have learned within the walls of a university. Her travels had not only offered an indulgence of experiences but of incredible inspiration. An isolated experience had brought her to her life’s work.

Literally, staring into the eyes of young orphans as a result of disease and civil war, witnessing their struggles and beaming spirits in a remote Himalayan village, it had completely changed her perspective of life. Her eagerness to make a difference in at least one child’s life had quickly multiplied. Within a short time, Maggie had purchased land using the five thousand dollars of her life savings that were wired to her by her parents. By the age of twenty-three, Maggie is raising over 200 orphaned children.

Along with education, medical treatment and food supply, the children will be the first literate generation of their families.

“The beauty of all of us is that we have talents and we have gifts’, says Miss Doyne. “The world would change when we wake up every day and know we wouldn’t rather be anywhere else in the world, doing any other kind of work. Everything we need we have right now – your body, your mind and that sense of I can do anything.”

Her story may have been different if her parents had pressured her into staying in college. Or they spewed their fears and concerns about her traveling alone as a young woman in countries that may not be deemed safe. Or they refused to wire her whole life savings and tried to persuade her that she was being foolish living in such a poverty-stricken country. Or insisted she was throwing her education away for a random, youthful dream.

These conversations happen every day. But worst of all, most of us listen.

So, when you find yourself tiptoeing around life and fearing those who may cause discomfort and turbulence or you catch yourself defending your position, ask yourself: What happens when I stop living this predictable life; one that family, society, culture, or religion expect of me? What happens when I follow my own guidance than the predetermined one family, society, culture, or religion demands of me? What happens when I follow my own journey and listen to my own inner voice?

This happens.

Great things happen.

Every time.

Everything in life is a resource for inspiration. Use it to create your own masterpiece rather than squeezing into the programmed, predictable ways of society.

Follow your heart instead of the crowd that you have been socially conditioned into.

Do not be willing to give up your dream for a mediocre, predictable, chronological life.

It is your life and you should live it any weird, wacky and wonderful way you choose.

Embrace it.

And, ‘Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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What Will People Think?

What will people think if you gained a few extra pounds, lost your hair or aged a little more?

What will people think if you did not go to college, dropped out of high school, married outside your culture or chose not to have children?

What will people think if you dated the same sex, switched religions, changed gender or lived the van life?

If you were asked what you thought people would think about the way you choose to live your life or an aspect of it, most of you would respond with the shrug of the shoulders. Most of you would say, ‘Who cares!’

We do not want to care or even believe we care except that, well, we do. We care too much. We care so much it affects the way we behave, the choices we make in life and how we express ourselves. We care so much we spend a lifetime molding, packaging and perfecting ourselves in order to score likeability and popularity points.

When we worry about how other people perceive us, we are concerned about their negative judgements and opinions. With so much of others’ opinions being shoved in our faces and the multiple avenues in which to do so, it is hard not to notice disapproval and even harder to ignore dogmatic, intolerant critiques.

Even insignificant things such as what we wear, the color and cut of our hair, our piercings, hobbies and interests can become topics of nasty gossip. And if petty subjects such as these could initiate such a stir, imagine the societal and cultural pressure on more important aspects of our life.

Therefore, much like our social media platforms, we attempt to stuff each part of our life with platefuls of likes. The more likes, the better we feel about ourselves. It gives us the thumbs up or validation that we are accepted. Unfortunately, our true desires are traded in for temporary glorifications.

Of course, not all of what we think about each other is negative. However, we become incredibly cautious and sensitive about what others think about us that we cannot find enough ways to stand on our heads to impress.

We want the pat on the back, the hundreds of followers and likes on our social media, the compliments, flattery, applause and admiration. We love being adored. We enjoy being uplifted. We appreciate knowing we are valued.

Unfortunately, we have become so obsessed with the approval of others, we have yet to figure out our own intentions and joy.  

But, when did we determine we were not brilliant, worthy or valued?

When did we come to believe external validations were essential to our well-being?

When did we conclude our happiness and purpose in life is firmly held in the conviction of others?

When we learned early on the perception of others mattered. When we learned approval earns us all the valuable things in life such as love, respect and acceptance. When we learned love is conditional.

And this began with our parents.

Before we even had the opportunity to discover who we are and what we want; we were informed, groomed, molded, persuaded and influenced into our paths.

The fear of rejection or disappointing others has kept our personal desires at a distance.

So, we follow step by step plans set up by someone else that is considered the surest, safest and most advantageous for all.

Pleasing our parents meant being treated with love, attention and affection. We gained affection when we did what was pleasing and rejected when we did not. If we made choices or behaved in a way that was displeasing, this ‘love’ was taken away. We were scolded for actions deemed inappropriate and rewarded for behavior agreeable to them. We call this type of ‘please me’ training discipline.

As extensions of our families, we dare not give reasons for others to gossip and attract negative attention unless they evoke envy. Our families like to keep this in check because even if we may be feeling rebellious, stubborn or courageous about living the lives we choose, our families generally do not share the same passion and will go to great lengths to prevent such shame.

They will promptly effort to ‘cover’ our diversities, faults and eccentricities in hopes not to stand out in the crowd as a way of shielding us from a cruel world, protecting us from emotional and physical harm whilst preserving their own reputation. But hiding and silencing parts of who we are or how we live our lives is minimizing our worth and creating a state of internal inadequacy. It deteriorates our self-esteem and makes us feel as though our whole self is flawed or subject to exclusion.

We have all been dipped and draped in shame at some time in our lives. We have felt the effects of ridicule, banter and insult about our appearance, behavior, intelligence, choices or way of life.

Consequently, we quickly learn the necessity to conform so that others could lazily and conditionally love us. We understand our harmony is contingent on how we look, behave and the choices we make to satisfy the vast majority.

In fact, everything is contingent upon external satisfaction.

Contingent we follow our parents’ rules, demands and wishes; we will be embraced. Contingent we follow societal direction and expectations; we will be accepted. Contingent we follow religious oaths and practices; we will be blessed.

Therefore, from a very early age, we discover this wonderful life we have been born into is mostly off limits. Much like kindergarten where every creative activity is instructional and the more precisely we simulated this direction, the more praise, rewards and acknowledgment we received.

We learn more about human behavior, habits, expectations and how to mimic these than we do exploring our desires and creative potential.

But this is not about blame for we are all caught up in the same societal, habitual practices.

We use each other as the path to ‘feeling good’ about self.

We rely on each other’s support and validations and work hard to be noticed.

However, there is a misconception that we can only fly high with the support of others. This could not be further from the truth because it makes us completely reliant on them and of course vulnerable to them.

Let’s face it, we will never consistently be the object of someone’s attention. People have their own lives and interests to focus on. It isn’t anyone’s responsibility to make certain we stand on our feet or permanently assure us our presence in this world is invaluable.

And no one wants to carry us around on their shoulders like the trophies we want to feel like.

When we do not believe in our own visions and we deny our brilliance, we search for it elsewhere. Except, in a world where people only make judgments on face value and are challenged at seeing the inner light, we work hard to prove ourselves through actions. It is a sensory and action-based world therefore, people tend to only approve of what they see, hear, taste, touch and smell. Additionally, when the mind is conditioned into pre-existing approved behaviors, so too do we replicate and mimic those.

There is a whole world of judgement and criticism and we are living in it. We are not only experiencing it but adding to it. This judgement does not come from a place of cruelty or evil. It comes from a place of self-disconnection. It comes from our own inner critic and bully.

When we are disconnected from our inner self, it leaves us feeling insecure, confused and fearful. We have been thoroughly trained to believe other people carry all the knowledge and information about who we are we spend a lifetime searching for ourselves through the eyes, hearts and minds of others.  

Therefore, our interest in what others think can be so obsessive and neurotic, we use what others think of us as our guidance.

We understand that what people think is out of our control. We attempt to control this by learning what pleases them. However, there are infinite interpretations, beliefs and expectations; it would be impossible to please everyone at once. So, we also control this by keeping different parts of our lives separate. It would be an interesting predicament having to be in the same space as our best friend and our boss.

Sometimes we even prefer to spend time with our large circle of friends separately than collectively due to the diversity of personalities, opinions and expectations.

Ultimately, we seek mutuality. Moreover, while we strive to find common ground, shared interests and kinship, the only mutuality one should seek for is the relationship between self and desire.

We sacrifice our free will the moment we worry about what others think because we continue to tweak, modify or tailor ourselves to please others.

Everything in this physical life is moving energy. We are surrounded by it all the time. There are infinite sensory stimulants and everything we focus on is interpreted through our own inner lens.

How we translate what we focus on is a story, a rendezvous or experience between us and that which we hold as the object of our attention. The experience will be shaped based on where we stand in our personal journeys. For example, we may choose to have a glass of wine for the simple pleasure of it or drink to suppress negative emotions. The experience is personal, specific and individualized. In the same manner, when we focus on someone, our interpretation of them is solely based on where we stand emotionally.

Therefore, how a thing, situation or person is translated by another is not our business. That includes how others interpret us. Some may like us, some may not, some may be inspired by us and some may find us completely irritating. It isn’t our job to perfect their interpretation of us. When we are not in a virtuous place, neither would what we observe. Therefore, it would be unwise to settle for the opinions of those who are not even feeling good about who they are much less like who we are. And it would be an unqualified betrayal, neglect and rejection to our inner extraordinaire.

Besides, wouldn’t we prefer to indulge in the highest source of opinion – our inner being?

You are all creators yet cannot completely grasp that concept. You are painters and yet you hold onto your paintbrushes and ask: ‘What do I paint? What is the “right” way to paint? What should I include?’

It is your masterpiece. You decide what it should look like. You have this idea that there is a right and wrong way or that there is a best and better way. You analyze every stroke of your paintbrush weary of your decision for now it remains there permanently. You compare your painting with others. You seek advice and guidance on what to add or include. You even allow the critiques and influence of others to alter your vision.

It is your canvas. You are the creator of it. Why are you so unsure of what you want?

Because you cannot grasp you are the creator of your own reality and life experience or that it is your prerogative to decide how you express your inner sparkle and live your bliss!

Artists look for inspiration. They gather stimuli and create their own masterpiece. They do not ask other artists what to paint? They do not seek validation or approval. Nor do they compulsively concern themselves with ensuring their product is received in the exact manner it was produced. They simply create their vision and allow others to appreciate, define, analyze or interpret it in any way it is of value to them.

Much like people, art is diverse and can be translated in many ways. We need only to create and joyfully express the unique versions of ourselves whilst those who stop to observe and absorb us will be inspired to create something anew.

The most beautiful thing about life is the fun in experiencing creation. It is the infinite journey of becoming. Through creating there is freedom. You have come into this physical world free to express yourself and experience life in whatever way your imagination and joyful creation takes you.

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice” – Steve Jobs.

Instead, be the greatest version of your highest vision.

And remember, people often have a strong opinion on something they know nothing about – you!

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Procrastination – Could it be far more a ‘good’ thing than a ‘bad thing?

Procrastination is the art of storing work, productivity and motivation into tomorrow.

Everyone has procrastinated about something. Maybe it was a delayed project or a postponed difficult conversation. But some of us hoard so much of our ‘yesterdays’ under the carpet it’s surprising we don’t stumble over the bulge.

Sometimes we use the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ technique which could relieve us temporarily from a task such as avoiding filing our taxes. But they are never too far behind biting us in the ass with a larger problem and yet another ‘thing’ we do not want to deal with.

Chronic procrastinators become experts at distracting themselves from their to-do lists.

They will find themselves standing in front of the pantry for the fourth time in an hour, stalk friends on Instagram or absent-mindedly watch video after video of dog and cat compilations.

In fact, the absolute dread of doing a certain ‘thing’ will often motivate us to become productive in other areas. When something we loathe more than cleaning the bathroom arises, that toilet may finally get the well-deserved scrub.

For the most part, we are well-aware of something that demands our action. Though our avoidance may initially be to evade feeling fear, worry or insecurity surrounding a task; in actuality, the longer it is left incomplete or unresolved the more intense these negative feelings become.

At some point we run out of time and are forced to face our demise which can often be filled with deep regret not having acted on it early and wish we had more time. But how much time is enough?

It’s understandable we would rather be out having drinks with friends than studying or writing school reports on a Friday night. We would rather be watching a marathon of Seinfeld episodes than heading to the gym or calling clients. And sometimes we would even rather do overtime at work than to come home to screaming kids or an empty house.

We search for harmony and short bursts of satisfaction. Unfortunately, our to-do lists seem to be major disruptions to our fun and peace of mind. Since our priority is feeling good or at least masking negative feelings with something that gives immediate relief; we can linger in this space of procrastination for quite some time while our to-do lists become overwhelmingly longer.

Both my parents are incredibly hard workers. They are highly disciplined in maintaining order and organization at home and their work environment. They are the complete contrast of a procrastinator and detest such dawdling.

‘Why leave anything for tomorrow what can be done today’ is their motto and I had heard it too often. My father admires drive and good work ethic in others. He appreciates honest, hard workers who strive to succeed.

Though I value their discipline, it certainly did not rub off on me. In my mind, there were some things that were not priority such as my mother’s obsessive cleaning habits. I tried to live up to her advice on taking ten seconds to neatly fold and put away clothes than to spend a day cleaning and organizing my closet later. Or spend ten seconds to immediately wash and put away a dirty cup and plate rather than accumulating them. But the latter seemed to always prevail.

Ten seconds a day was hardly any time to keep a closet in perfect shape and a room well organized. But sometimes ten seconds just seemed like a long time when in a rush to meet up with friends. And washing a single cup was like a pointless effort.

As a child, it always appeared that my parents were more unnecessary job creators than minimizers. Though I was an obedient child, wiping baseboards just wasn’t worth my youth when I could be singing to Madonna or filing my journal with stories. Additionally, finding the balance between not completing a task too fast so as not to be assumed inadequate or completing it too slow so not to be deemed sluggish, was tiresome.

Seeking to be the ‘perfect’ child by attempting to meet their expectations was discouraging for a perfectionist such as myself. Though their standards and expectations were not unreasonable, it set the new standard of ‘not good enough’ in my mind. My mother never hesitated to teach me over and over how to fluff the pillows and make the bed look its showroom-like best. And my father never skipped a beat to question me on whether a specific phone call was made, or an application was filed. I would hear his sigh of disappointment when I gave excuses and it was always disheartening disappointing my father.

Obviously aware of my own checklist, interests and desires in addition to the numerous expectations of me; it was important I did things in my own time. This time may have been to summon confidence, intuitively figure out my path and act on things when I felt ready. The heavy pressures of ‘doing it now’ due to external expectations felt burdening. And of course, the longer it took me to do something, the more frustrated, worried and stressed I felt about disappointing others or being judged and labeled.

Nevertheless, I admire them both and appreciate their efforts to instill energy, drive, passion and determination in me.

But this we all have.

It is not something we can be taught or encouraged to become. We are born with an innate curiosity and eagerness to explore and create. As infinite, Masterful Creators, when one is not living large, then we are living within the limitations and expectations of society or within the confinements of our negative, insecure minds.

There is a misconception of laziness that hovers over procrastinators. We can be seen as having no ambition or enthusiasm. However, there is something more going on internally than lack of action.

Sometimes uncertainty of an outcome could make one fear the outcome.

Sometimes, some things are more deserving of our time than cleaning our oven or refrigerator.

Sometimes, some things can be quite daunting to confront that we may not be physically, mentally or emotionally prepared for.

And sometimes, some things are so full of uncertainty or our personal standards are so high, we fear making decisions that could potentially fail.

None of these reasons are due to laziness. Certainly, some tasks will endure some sort of unwarranted delay due to having more things to do than we could physically accomplish, and some tasks would be prioritized according to urgency. However, most of our excuses are due to fear and insecurity.

Admittedly, there are those among us that settle into comforts, particularly ones that may fall onto the shoulders of others. This can be burdening to those who feel they are always saving our asses or supporting them. We could also settle into the comforts of minimal living – remaining in the same unfulfilling job or unhappy marriage; in the same familiar routines and habits. But, when joy is not present, neither is our motivation to be, change, or do anything.

So, what is it that holds us back from taking that next step?

Aside from low self-esteem and irrational worries, avoidance is generally due to not knowing how or where to start. When we reach unfamiliar territory, it can be quite scary. Ironically, our entire life existence and our every moment in time is unfamiliar territory for it is our first time in this space of time. Yet, we are also the responders and creators of it.

No-one likes to feel incompetent or uneducated and we have all felt an overwhelming fear of failure, particularly in areas of importance to us.

Starting a new job or business, going out on a date for the first time in a while or choosing a career path is not as simple as choosing a new restaurant to dine at. The higher the risks, the longer we tend to procrastinate on taking action.

According to Stephen King, “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us get up and go to work.”

This seems to be the underlying view of many. It is suggestive of tardiness and laziness from delusional fantasizers who wait for something to happen while the rest are getting things done. The same people who would be quick to label, judge and point blame.

But does getting it done for the sake of checking it off our list serve to benefit?

The greatest music ever written, the most mind-blowing art ever produced and greatest achievements ever reached was by virtue of inspiration.

Going through the motions will get the list checked off but doesn’t always produce the results.

Certainly, one would not be encouraged to merely sit and wait. Taking a small step could be enough to get the momentum and focus going. But there are more important mental and emotional steps that need to be addressed in order for effective productivity to take place.

Procrastination can fall into the same category as other habit-forming indulgences such as food, alcohol, smoking or drugs. They are disguisers and diversions to deeper fears and insecurities.

It is like our internal guidance saying, ‘not now’. We trust it like any of our other natural, intuitive instincts. However, if ‘not now’ seems to drag on for quite some time, then we are not only trapped in fear but stuck on a belief that is disconnecting us from who we are.

Procrastination is about finding an easier route. It is escapism. Anything that seems difficult or we may be fearful of will force us to find an alternate path, even if it means keeping busy with smaller, insignificant things.

So, what can kick start our preparedness?

Well, it isn’t action based. In fact, action should be the last thing we do.

Emotional and mental alignment is first and foremost.

When we are feeling like we do not want to do something and we are forcing ourselves to pull ourselves together and get it done, we are acting against our best interests.

Confronting someone when we are highly stressed and defensive will work against our favor than making the same confrontation when we are calm and confident.

Applying for our dream job when we are completely insecure and skeptical will work against our favor than applying for the same job when we are enthusiastic and self-assured.

Productivity and results are far more beneficial when we prepare mentally and emotionally.

Therefore, it is important we understand that it is not about the action or fulfillment of a checklist, rather a direct indication of lingering negative thoughts and emotions that prolong such tasks. It is also about societal pressures, expectations and our need to fulfill them in order to fit in that hinders our intuitive guidance.

So YES, procrastination is far more a ‘good’ thing than it is ‘bad’ thing.

It would be better to spend some time getting excited about whatever it is first and move when we feel inspired. Otherwise, it is a waste of our time doing something we do not want to do.

It is also a waste of our energy pushing others to carry out tasks we request. This means that we need to stop poking and prodding at our partners and children. It is not the responsibility of others to fulfill our requests so that we feel better. And it is not their responsibility to meet our demands and expectations within our time frame.

If the passion, desire and confidence is absent, urging action would be ineffective. It would be wiser to spend more time building confidence and trusting them in knowing their own timing.  

Procrastination is absent when we are in sync or in alignment with something. When we feel excited and eager, our natural juices of inspiration flow. This ignites inspired action. It is through this inspired action that there is a sense of right timing, right person and right place.

Nothing is forced or out of order. There is a natural flow and synchronicity that happens when one is in alignment with self and with that which we are inspired to do. In fact, we are so filled with inspiration, no one could stop us from it.

When we sort out our negative feelings, procrastination is not so prevalent. It is only due to our thoughts of inadequacy, insecurity, doubt and fear that we keep ourselves distant from living abundantly and joyfully.

Inspired action is powerful, it is driven, it has fire and momentum. It is ignited with so much intention, creation and passion that it feels like a magic carpet ride; where there is a continuous linking and merging of events.

Avoid being critical if something is taking us a little longer to figure out or act on. There is never lack of opportunities or ways in which something could be handled.

When we are ready, we will feel it. It will feel like exhilaration and assuredness. And with every new idea that arouses our joy, another and then another will continue to erupt making us exceedingly anxious to reach for more.

Feeling the feeling first is where we want to start anything. When inspiration causes us to move, we are alert, able to see the path with clarity and eager to progress with optimum productivity.

It is not action that creates movement; it is passion, power, focus and inspiration.

Let inspiration be the order and guide the way!