Someone captures your attention. Maybe it was their charm that enchanted you or their warm, smiley eyes that seduced you. Maybe it was their brimming confidence or the way they made you laugh. Something appealed to your sensors and as your focus upon them intensifies so too does your passion for them. The shared interest between you deepens and your zealous attraction elevates this mutual curiosity. It is not long before you are out on a few dates, sharing stories and kisses, talking and texting on the phone for hours and then … WHAM! There’s love!
You feel light, free, and invincible. You are filled with so much joy and lust for life; you may as well be in a musical where the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you are skipping through a flowery meadow. And you do not even really like flowers or skipping or even musicals but heck, the way this love has you all wrapped up in mush, Julia Andrews (AKA Maria) from the ‘Sound of Music’ could not rival your joyous performance.
You are giddy and giggly. You are allowing people in your lane during peak hour traffic. You are talking to strangers, polite to your crabby manager and even catch yourself smiling for no reason…who is this person?
When love comes bursting through our hearts, it is like a wave of magic and splendor. It brings about an elevated and vivacious, youthful self. We become playful, frisky, and confident. The stuff that makes life gratifying.
Everything feels new and exciting. We become so consumed with this explosion of love, we can barely maintain the general functions of our daily life such as eating and sleeping.
Falling in love not only elevates our heart rate it can often increase sensitivity. New love is like a shot of tequila. It packs punch, but it is not too long before it begins to affect and tamper with our mood, behavior, and emotions – converting our brimming confidence into insecurity.
This feeling of vulnerability and transparency can feel rather nerve-racking. We have been programmed to protect, shield, and keep our authenticity hidden from a world we believe is not so kind or embracing. Allowing another person into our personal space, exposing our truth and trusting our inner being will not be vandalized can be frightening.
But they have seen us through the façade, the personality we use to cover up with and through our erratic behavior. They noticed our glow through our veil of armor. They have witnessed our inner brilliance that is perfectly embossed in their eyes and so decide they have warranted the gift of us.
We love being seen because we yearn to express and live the truth of that which we are. And we enjoy being embraced for who we are because we too want to revel in our own magnificence.
When individual qualities are injected with positive attention, it unlocks a host of euphoric feelings. And this can be quite addicting.
Like an addict, craving more of this high-flying feeling can turn our desire to be seen with the same curiously piercing eyes and exclusivity into an obsessive need.
We often rely heavily on being the object of someone’s attention because if the attention is drawn away or begins to shift, we fear our existence will become a little dimmer. A little less important. A little less noticed.
Feeling appreciated makes us feel worthy and brings our best qualities to life. The more we are adored, the quieter our inner criticisms and judgements become, away from the usual negative mind chatter and societal pressures.
Often it is not our knight-in-shining-armor we fall in love with. It is ourselves we are elated to see through the reflection in their eyes, through their touch and lust for us, and through their echoing expressions of adoration. We hang tight onto every positive word, flattery, praise, and compliment as if our souls depend on it.
However, we misguidedly give a little too much responsibility, power, and control of how we feel and view ourselves to someone else. We obliviously carry this belief that only certain people have the capacity of unlocking the door to our higher selves or sealing it shut.
Except, when we rely on others to be noticed, accepted, appreciated, admired, and loved by; we are pocketing and limiting the love available to us. Becoming reliant on anything or anyone outside of us is disempowering.
Love is commonly misinterpreted as being hurtful. We believe it can only be ignited or granted to us by another. So, when ‘love’ diverts its attention elsewhere, the pain can be rather intense.
However, it is not love that hurts, it is the absence of love that can feel deeply wounding. More importantly, it is not the absence of those who were once committed to loving us, rather the disconnection from self and love for self we feel a loss of.
That’s right, self-love. That thing we define as self-involved, conceited, and narcissistic while waving our ‘pro-me’ signs above our heads.
We can love many experiences, people, places, and objects but the source of love and where it emanates from is overlooked and often neglected.
So, what’s self-love got to do with it? Well, it has a lot to do with it and it is more than a ‘sweet old-fashioned notion or a second-hand emotion’.
Unfortunately, behind every lover of self, there is someone rolling their eyes or checking out of a conversation. The moment people display confidence or express self-pride and love, we tune out and throw up a little in our mouths. We call these people cocky and stuck up.
The more one tends to exhibit self-love qualities such as taking pride in personal achievements or expressing gratitude for joys and blessings, the more one appears selfish and is dubbed as having a superior attitude.
We prefer the ‘humble’ kind; those who do not flaunt their successes, gains, pride, or love of self. Yet, we are wide-eyed and open-eared with enthusiasm to receive one’s declarations of suffering, doubt, failures, fears, and insecurities. Somehow, their vulnerability makes them more ‘human’ … or maybe just more like us.
Unfortunately, we also frequently open the gates and our own ears to all spirit crushing negative internal dialogues yet are quick to dismiss and ignore our inner radiance. Oddly, it seems taboo to love oneself as if restricted by social customs.
Though ‘love’ is more than a romantic sentiment, ‘To love oneself is a life-long romance’ is a perfect expression made by Oscar Wilde.
Self-love is not a destination, it is a continued marriage between you and you and requires more attention, love, and care than any other relationship. Caring about your happiness is essential to your well-being. You are the center of the Universe. You are at the heart of all that you attract into your life experience and the source of that which pulsates from you.
Love is much grander than an emotion aroused by someone or something. This popular four-letter word often used as a verb or expression is the emotional energy that threads and connects all of life. We know what it looks and feels like. We even recognize it in our animal kingdom.
We understand the joy, light, depth, and strength of love because we feel it and connect with it through our experiences. Like when we hold our baby for the first time, nature takes our breath away, we conquer a dream, risk our lives to help another or when our pets simply lay their fury little heads on our laps. But it is not the events, people, places, or things that induce this powerful elevation of joy. It is our connection and receptivity to love.
Love is pure and it is easier to connect with that which is uninfluenced. Though everything comes from pure, positive energy, we are the only species who lose ourselves in our imagined conditional and programmed beliefs.
We love our families because they are extensions of us and so have an automatic sense of responsibility to love and protect. We love our partners for what they add to or offer us individually that enhance our inner being. We love our friendships who gift us with the freedom to be transparent without judgment. And we love our fur-babies simply for their pure presence and constant joy.
But how often do we love outside of our family, friends, and beasts?
Relationships teach us about compassion, understanding, forgiveness, appreciation, and acceptance. However, it becomes difficult to practice this same love with that which we have no history or connection with.
But are personal experiences and connections required for love to surge beyond our inner circle?
Well, dependent upon our perspective and belief, the answer is yes. We have practiced conditional love for so long, we are not only loving within boundaries, we are searching for it in all the wrong places.
Self-love is quite contrary to this belief. I am not talking about self-love that extends from vanity for vanity itself proceeds from insecurity. It does not thrive on unhealthy competition. It is not fixated on physique or aesthetic appeal. It does not care to flaunt material or financial success. It is not contingent upon anything in order to thrive and it does not rely on external fulfilment or give and take practices.
Self-love knows it is beyond the body and the mind.
Self-love is unity with self. But it is also unity with all things because the self knows it is not separate from anything, rather part of the larger ‘love’. It is seeing with our hearts, with our inner being than through manipulated eyes and heavily influenced, warped, programmed minds.
Self- love is not a competition, yet we treat it this way. It is only our obsessive and compulsive need to compare ourselves to others which causes the eroding of self-love.
Children, nature and the creatures of our planet exude this presence, connectivity, and purity. When we allow ourselves to unite with this brilliant energy, it can envelope and overwhelm us. We feel its power, intensity, and divinity.
Those with a strong self-love know that love is in all things and it is just the resistance to it or disconnection from it that looks distorted externally. It will look and feel like depression, confusion, disrespect, manipulation, anger, anxiety, or jealousy. It may come in the form of an abuser, addict, thief, liar, cheater, and even murderer. But love does not care to join those in disconnection. Love is love and remains connected and it is because of love that we are infinitely summoned to unite with it.
We believe love is felt when it has been stimulated by someone or something. However, the profound love we feel is us; individually and collectively. Love is the energy of self and when we stand powerfully in our own love, we recognize the strength and majesty in all living things.
When you disconnect from the love that you are, the disconnect will become more visible to you everywhere. When you connect with the infinite love that is you, the connection will become more visible to you everywhere. And so too will your experiences become the perfect equivalent of that which you allow and become.
If you have ever wondered who you really are, you are that person when you fall in love, when you are holding your baby for the first time, when you are playing with your puppy, sharing a laugh with a friend, appreciating the sun on your face, smiling at a stranger, creating a new piece of music or artwork, dancing in your living room or singing to your favorite song . At your purest, you are not thinking, analyzing or gathering opinions; you are simply being present, and connected with the infinite love that is you.
Love at its core is acceptance. It is acceptance and allowance of all things. It is unity and all-inclusiveness.
Love is everywhere. It is the make-up of all of life on Earth. You are surrounded by infinite love. You ARE infinite love. There is never a shortage. Feeling shortage means you have detached yourself from the source of love that is you, within you and surrounding you.
The greatest, most joyous perspective comes from love. Only love is able to witness the purity, power and beauty in all living things. Only love is able to hear beyond words and see beyond actions. Only love is able to uplift, inspire and empower.
Know your own love. There is an infinite supply.
And when the feeling of joy rises within you powerfully washing over your skin with chills, radiating throughout your body with electric pulses and bringing tears of deep gratitude to your eyes – know that love has something to do with it.