A Closed Door

When a door closes, are you that annoying, nagging person who continues to pound on the door hoping, begging, and pleading for it to open?

Are you an aggressor who insists on beating it down or prying it open simply because you do not take no for an answer?

Or are you that someone who quietly walks away swallowing deep regret and shame?

Whomever we are, most of us do not handle a closed door very well. In fact, a closed door implies we failed in some way or were not worthy or good enough. It feels like rejection or a slap across the face. No-one likes to be refused or denied of an experience or opportunity.

Though there are things we prefer to leave unopened such as our bills, and there are others we rely on opening such as our umbrellas on a rainy day or a parachute during an adventure free fall out of a plane; overall there is satisfaction that follows something opening. Like birthday gifts or that delivered online order. Opening a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates or our favorite snack at the end of a long day. The refrigerator or pantry that serve as frequent, instant satisfactions. Even the opening of our favorite coffee shop on our way to work can be gratifying.

We like the feeling of things opening. There is a sense of movement, continuation, and accessibility.

Though there is immediate gratification of things physically opening and opportunities flowing our way, it is the symbolic meaning of a door closing that affects significant aspects in our life we particularly care about.  

When things end or do not go as we planned or had hoped, we consider it a closed door. For example: a relationship ending, being excluded from an event, turned down for a position we had applied for, losing a client, travel plans falling apart or missing an opportunity to purchase that dream home. We have all been there many times and it is hard not to be disappointed, annoyed, and even a little offended.

When a door closes or refuses to open, it can feel delaying and even hindering. We often treat a closed door as an obstacle and seek to find a way over, under or around it. We also treat it as bad luck which can be rather discouraging.

Sometimes, a closed door makes us more determined and committed to ‘make it happen’ as if challenged to outsmart the system or universe. We do this because we perceive a closed door as failure. Except, we often continue to encounter yet another closed door. It can get rather exhausting and disempowering not to mention depressing. Even if we found a way, it is never quite a satisfying experience.  

So, why do we encounter closed doors?

There are many reasons, but it is far from what our minds will conjure up.

Our need to understand and make sense of things often leads to a very warped perspective and when a door closes, we almost always translate it as something negative. It leaves us feeling discouraged and disappointed while excessively questioning our self-worth. This can sometimes shut the door on our hope and optimism also.

It is okay when things do not work out exactly as we expected or hoped. However, many of us carry a ‘poor me’ attitude. We unceasingly mourn the loss of a relationship. We are hard on ourselves over a terminated career or loss of job opportunity. We become angry when someone retracts their business interest or declines it altogether. And we feel faulted when someone we have been pursuing becomes dismissive.

But, have we ever considered some things are simply past their expiration date? Have we ever considered there are things we become attached to or caught up in that are not the match to our greater desires or worth? And sometimes we are not quite ready to receive the extravaganza that awaits us.

Whatever the reason, a closed door is a blessing. They open and close in response to our desires, needs and readiness.

Closed doors are like road signs that say, ‘Wrong way, go back!’

They are our navigators encouraging us to seek another way, an easier route, or a smoother path to our desired destination. 

As habitual creatures, we rely heavily on familiarity making it harder to let go or accept change. We tend to clutch tightly onto things that no longer serve us with such determination simply because they are familiar. Like refusing to accept our toddler clothes do not fit us anymore.

When we ‘outgrow’ certain aspects of our life yet resist the flow of change, we feel it. Our enthusiasm and excitement are replaced with boredom and stagnancy. Our attitude is one of frustration and resentment. And we find ourselves in a state of continued disappointment, dissatisfaction, and woefulness.

Yet sometimes it is easier to blame what and who we are dissatisfied with than to be brave and move into new territory. Ironically, while we are busy grasping onto routines, people, experiences, and habits; our desire for change becomes increasingly amplified. The stronger the yearning, the unhappier we will be in our current situation. It is a given. We could even say it is common sense. However, many of us will continue to cry ourselves to sleep almost every night over the animosity and misery we feel of our current state of being, all the while convincing ourselves it is our predetermined destiny to remain desolate and devoid of any hope or happiness.

When we plunge into self-pity and negativity, a closed door will seem like another dagger. Another type of ‘life kicking us when we are already down’ moment.

However, practiced negative thoughts cloud our judgment and optimism. They narrow our perspective on opportunities and weaken our excitement and confidence.

Tuning our ‘antennas’ on negativity heightens our sensitivity and awareness on more negativity.

We often want so desperately for our situations to change so that we can feel better, but we seldom realize our role in it much less our creative control over it. We forget that the situation has only become what it is due to an already underlying belief. And it requires a change in our perspective and attitude for the desired outcome to become realized.

One of the most common, painful ‘closed door’ experiences are the ones that occur soon after an opportunity has fallen into our laps. When we have moved toward this fortunate outcome with enthusiasm and excitement. When we have begun to imagine how this opportunity could positively affect so many other areas of our life. Just as we seem to get our feet wet and our path is looking exciting, the door slams. The chance is gone.

Just like that, what looked like our lucky break dissolved almost as quickly as it had sprung from our dreams. It is the reason why we so often tread nervously through open doors afraid they could close at any moment.

But what happened? Why would we be granted access only to have it all terminated like some sort of cruel joke life is playing? 

We were simply not ready.

Readiness is not just thinking we are ready because we want it; it is knowing we are ready because we are it.

Being ready feels like right timing, right person, place, and thing. There is a sense of confidence and assuredness. It feels like the next logical step and we move forward with optimism and eagerness rather than being submerged in fear and insecurity.

Often there is little to no resistance when we dream our dreams. We enjoy imagining them and what it would be or feel like. In our imagination, they are perfect and pure. When the opportunity arises and we come face to face with our desires, many of us go into internal panic mode. We find it hard to believe this imagery is about to become our reality. Our minds light up with all the incredible life altering possibilities and yet in the very moment we begin to realize them, we simultaneously abolish them.

In the same instance, what used to feel good to imagine is now fear driven and filled with what ifs. Fear of it being an illusion. Fear of it disappearing and being too good to be true.

What if it is a mistake? What if it doesn’t last?

We can barely believe we are worthy or that ‘stuff like this’ can even happen to us much less absorb ourselves in our new reality. When we find more reasons to deny its existence and our place in it, then we effectively close the door on ourselves.

It is fair to say our dream and our vision is not quite formed or evolved yet as it has not been imagined, believed, or practiced enough to alter or pierce through our physical reality. When it feels real, when there is certainty and knowing, so too must it be made manifest. 

The good news is, we never want to walk a path we are not ready for. After all, how can it become part of our reality if we barely even acknowledge its existence?

The better news is opportunities are infinite. If we missed the train, no biggie another will show up. They will continue to appear with as much or as little force and energy as we are ready to allow, receive, and realize.

Of course, closed doors work simultaneously in response to our attitude and most dominant beliefs and emotions. We will always attract what we emotionally and most powerfully emit. Therefore, if we believe and feel we are not good enough, unlucky, or undeserving for the fulfilment of our dreams and desires, then we have almost certainly closed the door on the opportunity ourselves – hence, not ready for them.

Not every door is a closed door and yet not every open door is satisfying. This is because we often live our lives following societal preconceptions and expectations.

Whilst there are many among us who find it easy to go with life’s flow and seem to move quickly in the direction of their desires, most of us resist it. Our constant negative chatter is heavily influenced by the repetitive voices of those around us that have coached and drilled the systematic ways of the masses.

Ultimately, everything we act on is either inspired or mechanical. For example, we can apply for a position simply because we need a job to pay our bills and feed our family. This is mechanical. We do things through influence and practiced belief. We act on things that are habitually formed through already established opinions and normalcies.

But inspired action is when we apply for something family, culture, society or even fear may not have initially allowed us to consider. It will feel novel and exciting. It will feel unobstructed, effortless, stimulating and fluid and yet still pay our bills and feed our families.

If it feels like a struggle to make something happen or make it work and we encounter many closed doors, then it is not the best fit. The best fit at the time will be easy. It is always easy. It is also instantaneous.

Our disappointments are only due to thinking and believing what we want is behind the closed door we stubbornly and desperately struggle to open. Except, what we want in relationship to what we are worth is far greater than what we expect for ourselves. Our limited perception and obnoxious negative chatter often keep us from understanding the grander vision and outcome and prevents us from seeing open opportunities.

Opportunities come and go. They are not intended to stay because we are evolving and ever-changing beings. We can barely maintain focus on one belief, one idea or one desire without wavering and changing our views, opinions, and perspectives about them. It only makes sense that doors are continuously opening and closing to keep up with our inconsistencies.

There is so much variety we often cannot make up our minds whether we want or do not want something or are simply uncertain about it. We are consistently curious if there is a better way, person, place or thing in the horizon that keeps us from committing to a vision. This type of flip flopping and lack of focus causes the universe to also respond in such a manner.

As expansive beings, we are forward moving energies. The universe is constantly responding to our desires, wants, needs, and fears.

When a door closes, it is always guidance. It is eternally serving our best interest. NEVER does a door close because we are unworthy of an opportunity or desire. NEVER does a door close because of chance or bad luck nor does it close because it is our pre-scripted destiny by a source outside of our control.

Closed doors save our asses from experiences we are either not prepared for or precarious situations we would not otherwise be aware of. It is only our perspective and how we interpret a closed door that remains distorted.

Closed doors do not obstruct our path, they are the path.

They are infinitely guiding us and lighting the way toward everything we desire. Because whilst we may feel discouraged by a closed door, it is also soon thereafter we are thanking the stars the door was shut on that thing we thought we wanted in the way we thought it should come. Otherwise, we would not have what we now have or be where we are if it were not for the closed doors.

It is important to understand we are always a match to our greatest desires. Therefore, it would be wise to simply trust things are always working out for us.

That car pulling out in front of us that caused us to miss a green light and make us late for work could have been what saved us from an accident.

Or that guy we were pursuing that suddenly stopped all contact may have had a violent track record.

Or maybe that home we were ready to close on and fell through had major unknown foundation issues.

Sometimes, just because we do not know why obstacles occur or why doors close it is not an opportunity to dwell on the injustices caused upon us. They are instead moments to be grateful and excited for what fantastic manifestation the universe has in stall for us.

With our thoughts, we create the story. With our emotions we lead it. Everything else cooperates to fulfill this vision.

Be easy. Be patient. Be eager. And be ready to receive!