There is a special bond a father and daughter possess, whose hearts are bound through unspoken words that only a father and daughter can understand.
He is her backbone that holds her steady, strong and balanced. He is her stride that walks into unknown territory with confidence. He is her voice that speaks with honesty and integrity. He is her security that protects her from external harm. And he is her heart that fills her with unconditional love.
She knows she will never have to look over her shoulder to ensure his presence. She knows with absolute conviction that his loyalty, love and devotion will never waiver. And he knows that he will never view life the same again.
Her imprint on his heart will bind him to her forever.
When she crawls into his arms and falls asleep feeling sheltered within his embrace, he will anguish over keeping her safe and protected from an uncertain world.
When she places her hand in his unequivocally trusting her protector, he will walk with her and pave the way removing any obstructions or obstacles.
When she smiles at him acknowledging his fondness, he will do everything in his power to keep her smiling and be the reason for her joy.
And when she looks into his eyes eager for his affection, he will witness heaven beaming back right through his soul.
Together they make a great duo. She will bring out his gentler, softer side while he will awaken her inner strength and confidence.
He will always respect her space and her choices in life. At times he may even seem quiet or distant, but with just the call of the title he carries earnestly (dad); he is never more focused and attentive, ready to drop everything for whatever she may need.
And whilst he will worry about losing her to fun, friends and another man, she will consistently worry about losing him to the stars.
What my father didn’t say…
The relationship between my father and I would be best summarized as one of depth, humor and playfulness. It has always been and continues to be full of fun and laughs – often at the expense of my dear mother who would mostly take some light ‘making-fun-of’ quite graciously.
Yet between every joke or deep analytical discussion about life, our bond fused through unspoken words is one we can both attest to.
It is what he didn’t say that has echoed the loudest. It is what he doesn’t say that has taught me the grandest lessons and gifted me with the greatest blessings in life.
I would describe my father as a man of class and high standards. A man of loyalty, honesty and integrity. A high achiever and incredibly hard worker. A man with great humor and wit. A devoted, charming, incredibly giving, forgiving and loving human being.
One of my favorite and most loved souls.
My earliest memories of my beloved father are filled with fun. From piggy-back rides, card games, camping trips and Sunday picnics. Or secretly sneaking a chocolate snack out of the cupboard before dinner against my mother’s wishes.
My father was the gift barer. Almost every day after work his duffle bag would contain some sort of treat or exciting toy. I vividly remember running open-armed toward him knowing he was just as excited to see me as I was to see him.
And that spot right between his rib cage and hips became my permanent seat in the house when he’d lay on the sofa watching television. …. until I outgrew it.
While there were many things I had outgrown, my understanding of his unspoken words strengthened. And overtime, I have uncovered the hidden messages through his eyes, smile, affection and actions.
Though he does not say, I have no doubt he has laid in bed awake countless nights deliberating the fastest route to resolve any of my fears and problems or worrying about those he cannot. I know prolonged silence means he is lost in deep thought trying to find a way to erase any difficulties.
However, though he does not say, I also know without hesitation, my father would move mountains, part the seas and smooth out any creases to assure my life remains calm and uncomplicated.
As a child, I have swum in many oceans and lakes alongside my father. In order to reach the calmest waters, we would first have to swim through the most turbulent. I grew in confidence as he would show me how to glide with a wave or dive through it so not to get caught in the break.
I loved impressing him. I trusted him completely and we would swim for what seemed like miles from shore much to my mother’s apprehension. He would tell me to grab onto his shoulder if I needed a rest and I would gently hang on as if holding onto a dolphin’s fin while gliding through the water. When he thought we were far enough, we would float for a moment enjoying the peace and tranquility as though he were taking me away from all the noise and distractions before swimming back to shore.
This is our father/daughter story.
He has been there every stride through the most turbulent times in my life. When it has felt as though a wave would come crashing down, he finds the path, guides and encourages me to move through it and together we overcome my obstacles. When I have tired, he is there for me to lean on his shoulder as he continues to carry me further away from trouble and distractions. And when I have rested and the trouble has calmed, we head back and ride the wave to shore.
Though he does not miss an opportunity to tell me he loves me, it is what he doesn’t say that has been felt deeply. It is what he did not say that has been engraved in my heart’s memory.
Like invariably requesting to dance with me at every wedding we attended. Though he did not say, I knew by the way he held me and smiled throughout our dance with his cheek resting against my head, he was saying, ‘I got you. I will be here to dance with you till you find your guy’.
Or when I would at times indulge in a few extra drinks during celebratory events as an excuse to relieve some of my self-pity. Even as my mother discouraged me from helping myself to a second glass of wine, my father would hush her, pour me another glass, pat me on the back and cheers with me. Though he didn’t say, I knew he was encouraging me to let go of any angst. A sort of gentle reminder not to worry because he was there. And just like that, together we would be joking, laughing and dancing my sorrows away.
Walking me down the aisle was a different kind of affair. Though he would not say, I witnessed the struggle to swallow his tears by avoiding my eyes and barely being able to utter the word ‘congratulations’. I witnessed his shoulders jolt as he sobbed in my husband’s arms at the altar. I knew he was happy about my choice as he could see the deep love this man had for his daughter.
Though he would not say, I knew he was going to miss my presence, my company and our friendship. He was giving up his position and purpose in life to another man by handing over the baton with hopes he would equally protect, love and cherish me.
Except you see, no matter how old we become or where our lives lead us, the bond between a father and daughter only grows deeper and stronger. Whilst he does not lose an opportunity to hug, kiss, pat me on the back, squeeze my hand or gently pinch my cheek, I never lose an opportunity to receive it.
My father is my safety, security, stability, calm and shelter.
He has championed my successes, contributed immensely to fulfil many of my dreams and continues to encourage and elevate me.
However, as he ages, he realizes his strength is not what it used to be. And though he doesn’t say it, he worries. And I know when he looks at me, his eyes are a little dimmer and his smile shorter.
And though he still tenderly pinches my cheek, I know the message is no longer one of encouragement or pride but one of apology. Apology as he comes to the daunting realization that when he vowed to be my protector and defender the day I was born, he will not be able to fulfill that for the rest of my life.
He does not say it, I know he cries more often now than he has ever cried in his life. I know he wishes he could be more and do more to set me up in a fairytale where I remain happy, healthy and far from harm eternally.
Except you see, a daughter will always need her father’s love and devotion no matter the fairytale life. And I know I am the reason for his strength. I know, because of me, he will never surrender to life’s challenges.
Nevertheless, as we grow older together, what he may not know; through his guidance, I have learned the skills and have the tools to overcome obstacles and reach the calm waters.
Though he may not know it, I will protect him till his last strength as he has protected me and continues to be my protector. I will walk with him till his final steps clearing his path of obstructions as he has continued to do so throughout my life. I will swim alongside him until his last stroke and allow him to rest on my shoulder.
And I will love, cherish and honor him eternally as I too will leave this earth with his imprint on my heart.
I am a product of my father. And through his unspoken words I have known of an extraordinary love.
Calling him dad has never been a greater privilege.
‘I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father’s equal, and I never loved any other man as much’. Hedy Lamarr